The hardest part so far...

This trip all started in February with my doc telling me my PSA was up and to see a urologist. ( Any English majors can tell me if that is an urologist?). It took quite a while from that point to get to the doctor to schedule the biopsy and get the report. The entire time, I was not telling my father anything. I figured it would all come back negative, and with him being 85, he didnt need to worry about something we were not sure of. The crucial part of this was also keeping some of my siblings in the dark, as they have in the past 'ratted' me out. This goes back to the time in high school when I forgot and left a box of condoms on my parents kitchen table. But that is another blog unto itself. So, last week, I made the trip down to tell my father about my cancer. He knew I was coming down, but not why. When I got there, he was sitting on an ice pack for his back. So I sat across from him in the living room and we just shot the breeze for a few minutes while I kept asking myself "How am I going to do this?". So, I just blurted out "I have some news Dad. I have prostate cancer.". He took a couple of seconds and repeatedly muttered f$*k, f$*k for a bit. It took about half an hour to calm him down and by then, one of the aforementioned siblings dropped in so that diversion brought him down to almost normal. Pops being 85 has been slipping a bit lately. He can become confused at times, and like his youngest son, he forgets a bit. So telling him this was probably, no definitely, the most difficult conversation we ever had. I thought telling him my high school girlfriend was pregnant was the toughest conversation. ( those damn condoms on the table again). That conversation was a day at the beach compared to this one. My father often told me that he wished his father lived longer so he could just ask him questions and talk to him. I used to think that was pretty profound. Now, I am wondering if I will live to an age where my kids will come to me with bad news. I certainly hope not. Anyway, Pops seems to have calmed down, so that is good. Since then we have found out that my father in law has only about 2 weeks or so to live, and has just begun hospice. If God meant that as a distraction to my wife and I from my illness, it worked, just not for the better. So now I worry about my wife and the impact of all of this on her health. Not sure what will happen from here on, but stop back for late breaking developments.